


Pantapal

by re_se



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, akatsukki if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:22:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29553486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/re_se/pseuds/re_se
Summary: pantapal↳ n.↳ that which is used for patching
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	Pantapal

**Author's Note:**

> Kuya - "brother" in Filipino 
> 
> This fic was originally a taglish threadfic. You can find it and some other writings, which I pinned on my twt acc: https://twitter.com/minggom_
> 
> Enjoy reading!♥

“Alisa’s here”

Kei feels the other’s hold tighten on his hand. Alisa Haiba is here, of course she would- It’s Lev’s birthday after all. He feels Tetsurou tensing as seconds passed by them, getting jittery in nervousness. Kei rubs his thumb on the other’s palms, comforting him.

It has been a month since they started going out after a month of dancing around with each other. A year after Alisa Haiba flew to Russia, leaving Kuroo to whimper for the lost of his first real love.

“Omg! I miss you guys, so much!!”

Her voice is pitchy and bright, lighting the room with her presence- like an angel. The Nekoma boys flock around her, except for Tetsu who stays by his side just a few steps away from the commotion.

“Tetsu?”

Until she called his name, of course. The people around her parted like in the movies, making them meet each other’s eyes. Emerald meets hazel. Like in the movies, Tetsurou’s arm slipped from his waist. The older took a step forward towards his first love, smiling a little.

“Tetsu it’s been so long.”

They wrapped their arms on each other, embracing the familiar warmth of each other. Kei is left to watch, sipping from his champagne (at least it tastes good). He looked away from the past lovers’ reunion. Being jealous is childish.

‘It’s all in the past, Kei. Stop making it a big deal!’

“Babe, I’ll just go with Alisa in balcony. Will that be okay?”

Tetsurou asked him, few hours in after their heartwarming reunion. He looks at the older, assessing. He contemplates, feeling the fear creeping in.

“For closure?”

He whispers in the air. The noirette’s hand cages his face, careful and assuring.

“Okay”

Day by day Kei notices the shorten messages.

“I heard Alisa and Kuya Tetsurou has been talking again.”

Shouyo had a slip up one night. He immediately apologizes to Kei, feeling guilty. Kei did not falter, eating his strawberry ice cream. He just shrugs and tell them to watch instead. He saw Tobio elbowing the smaller, but he chose not to point it out.

Everything is so cold from then on.

The messages became short. The dates that most of times is just him looking at Tetsurou, whose eyes are fixated on his phone. He notices, and he understands. He is the older’s boyfriend, he must understand. He tells himself repeatedly, swallowing the jealousy and the pain. He keeps the fear to himself as he feels the other slipping away from him.

“Kei, why don’t you talk to him? You’re his boyfriend, you have the rights to tell him what you feel.”

It wasn’t until Tadashi told him one night, with him finally opening up that it crosses his mind. And one night, when he feels too much that he tries.

To: Tetsu♥

do you want to us stop?  
it’s okay for me  
just tell me  
I can understand

From: Tetsu♥

what?  
what are you talking about?

To: Tetsu♥

all I’m saying is  
if you want to get back with her then it’s okay to me  
just tell me, okay?  
I can understand

From: Tetsu♥

so you’re just gonna let me go?  
you’re just gonna give us up?  
and if I tell you that I’m still hurt when we cleared what’s between us on Lev’s bday party  
what? you gonna leave me?  
tsukishima kei, will you

To: Tetsu♥

no  
I’m sorry  
I’m so sorry  
I don’t know what came up to me  
don’t break up with me, please  
I’ll understand you more  
you’re still hurt, and I’m here for you  
I’m sorry tetsu  
let’s not break up

Thankfully, they did not break up that night. Tetsurou forgives him, and the topic of Alisa Haiba was never brought up again. Until they find themselves in a club with Koutarou and Keiji. It was good and fun; drinks were served and Koutarou’s mouth is going a thousand miles per hour but that’s normal. Everything except that moments later a group of friends with Alisa in the middle went to them.

“Tetsurou? You’re here!”

The club brightens again with her presence- Tetsurou even more. Getting up from his place beside Kei, making his way to hug Alisa. Koutarou immediately went dancing with a girl from Alisa’s circle. Kei drinks two shots in a row, trying to make the exchange of pleasantries between exes fade out.

When he lifts his head, he makes eye contact with Keiji. Azure eyes questioning him, “okay ka lang?” He nods, even offering a smirk as assurance that the older probably did not believe but still chose to not pry. That did not stop Keiji from looking at him though, or from getting a shot of tequila away from his hand when he attempts to take his 5th shot.

“Oh, so you’re kei! We weren’t able to meet last time. The both of you just disappeared.”

She’s bright, and beautiful. If Tetsurou is still not over her (which Kei is sure of) then he could not blame him. Alisa Haiba is beautiful, kind, and smart. A fucking angel. And she’s talking about them leaving early. Ah. They did, because Tetsurou asked him to. “Kei, let’s go. I’m tired.” Even if he did not want to, even if he still wants to tease Shouyo and to enjoy the catering- he followed him like a good boyfriend he is.

“oh, yeah. I was feeling exhausted already so I told Tetsu that we should go home.”

Alisa is seating on his right side, Tetsurou on his left. Tetsurou’s no longer leaning into him like earlier. His arm is not wrapped on his waist, chin not sitting on his shoulder like earlier, like before Alisa came to them.

Alisa smiles at him, asking him and getting to know him. He indulges the other, asking questions too.

“Tetsu is so cheezy, isn’t he? With all the singing and playing the guitar over the phone. Must admit though, your voice is great Tetsu”

Alisa laughs, and Kei feels his stomach sinks. He sees the longing on her emerald eyes but that’s not the reason he feels himself ache. He didn’t even know that Tetsurou plays the guitar, didn’t even know that he sings well. And it’s not that he doesn’t pay attention. Tetsurou sings in the car like a mad man, all screaming and never serious. How would he know that he can?

“Ah haha. Yeah. Pretty cheezy.”

He laughs and he avoids Tetsurou’s apologizing caresses on his thigh. He can’t right now. He feels insecure, he feels so jealous.

After that, it’s just them talking.

“Tetsu remember when we went to Subas’?”

“Lili do you still remember what I told when we were at Mabini?”

“Eh how about that one time that dad caught us…”

“When we went to Ayala one time and got lost, Li!”

He feels so out of place, even if they try to include him.

“You know what Kei onetime,Tetsurou did this”

“Kei, you know what Alisa went to… and did this…”

No, he doesn’t fucking know. He doesn’t want to know.

He wants to disappear. He wants to scream. He wants to just get out of here because he can’t fucking breathe when his chest feels like it has been stabbed with a thousand knives. It’s continues, the pain. He feels his head spin, he feels himself floating. Like a spectator to Tetsurou and Alisa’s reconciliation and not as the older’s boyfriend.

He excuses himself, saying that he’ll go to the bathroom. He feels disappointed that Tetsurou did not bother seeing through his lie, which he always does (but not today, apparently).

He, in fact, did not go to the bathroom. He exits the club which is a few steps away from the bathroom. Kei scrunches his nose when he was greeted by the smell of smoke from a cigarette. He always hated it, always asking for Tetsurou to go out when he wants to smoke and wash his hands after using it. The noirette always whines but still follows him regardless.

“Shit. Sorry, Kei”

Keiji puts out his cigarette after apologizing. Immediately crushing it with his shoe-covered foot, before facing him. Kei sits on an abandoned couch, all torn and dirty, not caring a thing. Keiji seats next to him.

“Don’t be sorry. This place is for that anyways”

“Even so. I know you hate it.”

“Thank you, Kuya Keiji”

“Still with that ‘Kuya’ thing huh?”

They both laugh, the silence nowhere to be found- only comforting breeze.

“I can’t not say it. You’re still my Kuya”

Keiji looks at Kei fondly, but not as a little brother. Not as a junior. Not as a friend. If only Kei knew that, if only he had the guts to say it back then.

“I am your Kuya,”

Keiji turns his body to him and Kei’s head is fuzzy, but he still wills himself to focus on the older. He feels himself get caged in the other’s arm, completely covering him in warmth and comfort.

“and I hate seeing you hurt like this.”

Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s because his head is spinning, or maybe it’s because his heart hurts so bad that he breaks down in Keiji’s arms. He leans towards the other, tears falling, and sobs escaping from his lips. He feels the pats on his hair, the caresses on his cheek. And it’s all so warm. Keiji is so warm. So safe.

“You really are the best, Kuya Keiji”

It’s been days, five days since their messages became dry. The exchanges don’t last for five minutes. And calls? There’s no calls. Always “sorry Kei, I’m so busy. Next time, promise.”

‘When will be the next time?’

Kei doesn’t know what to do, so he just let it be. He never confronted Tetsurou, scared that the older might misunderstand him. Kei understands, and even if he hears the continues whispers of “I saw Tets and Alisa talking at…”,” They look so good together, don’t you think? Alisa singing, and Tets playing the guitar for her”, and hundreds of “Are they back together?”

It’s okay, He understands. It’s just right, as a boyfriend to understand that Tetsurou just wants to catch up with Alisa. For closure. To bring back what friendship they have before. He understands that Tetsurou just misses Alisa. It’s okay. He’s being a good and understanding boyfriend. Like he should.

“That’s not okay, Kei!”

Keiji let out a frustrated groan, pulling his raven locks by his hand.

“It’s okay, Kuya Ji. I understand-“

“Fuck that. Don’t just understand it. Stop tolerating his shit. Just..stop it. Okay?”

Azure eyes glares at him, and he feels himself shrink. Hugging his knees closer. The bed dips and he feel the other’s warmth blanketing him.

“I’m sorry. I just- it’s not right that you’re not voicing it out.”

“It’s because I understand him. And isn’t that what good boyfriends do?”

“No, Kei. Listen. Being a good boyfriend doesn’t mean whatever he gives you, even if it’s painful, that you’ll just keep on taking it. Don’t.”

He nods even if he doesn’t completely understand it, leaning his chin on Keiji’s shoulder.

“Okay, Keiji”

Keiji stiffens in shock. He hides his smile on the younger’s neck. His name sounds so good on his lips. God, if only Kei is his. He wouldn’t have made the younger feel neglected. He would’ve cherished him like he deserves. He would’ve pampered the blonde with affection and warmth, because seeing the other curling to him like this? It must’ve been a while since he’s been touch by Tetsurou.

Kei Tsukishima understands, but that doesn’t mean that after taking it all- the pain, the neglection and the cold, that he will not get tired of it.

He feels the life inside him gets suck out of him as day passes. His schoolwork is piling up, his work demand so much of him and the thing with Tetsurou is not getting better.

He feels himself getting exhausted by everything. He doesn’t even bother thinking about Tetsurou or initiating anything that will save their relationship. He’s just so, so tired. He doesn’t care about the fact that they haven’t talk to each other for five days now, only looking okay through group messages they’re both in. That’s where they communicate, no personal exchanges, all in the group chat to make their relationship look okay.

He can feel it. That it’s not long before they’ll end. And he’s scared shitless, but he thinks it was bound to happen.

Halloween, five days away from their 2nd month of being together, they met up on Koutarou’s party. They did not text each other ahead of time, but they still hug when they saw each other on the crowd. Kei hugs Tetsurou.

Kei indulged himself for a few hours, enjoying the drinks and the other’s presence beside him. For hours, he disregarded the sleepless nights, the tears he shed and the aching of his heart. For hours he lets himself think that everything is okay. For hours he relishes his last dance with Tetsurou under the neon lights. For hours he lets himself get kissed deep by those red lips.

_**“Kei, I really saw her in you, you know? You’re both so beautiful and smart. I really like you.”** _

For hours he pretended that the other is in love with him.

It isn’t after a kiss in the garden, where there are no people, that Kei found his resolve.

“Hey, let’s break up”

He leans away from the other’s hold, taking a step back.

_‘Don’t say yes’_

_‘Please tell me no’_

_‘Please tell me you love me”_

_‘Please don’t hurt me’_

“Okay”

It hurts.

“Okay?”

He feels his shoulder slumped, his stomach twisting. He feels like he’s going to puke with all these feeling stirring up inside him. But most of it is just constant pain.

“You’re right. We should break up. This is not working anymore,”

It hurts so bad.

“And I- maybe you’re right. I still want Alisa in my life”

Make it stop.

“I’m sorry, Kei”

Kei didn’t cry when the other turns his back to him. He didn’t cry when Tetsurou walked away from him. He didn’t cry when he says his farewell to Koutarou, making up excuses just to not let the older get sulky. He didn’t cry on the road; he focuses on driving.

It isn’t until he stops the car in front of a park near his house that he breaks down. He lets himself scream; he lets himself hit the steering wheel a hundred times. He lets himself punch his chest.

“Make it stop, please. Please. It hurts so bad”

He cries his heart out, the punches doing nothing to match the pain he feels inside.

“Please. Please make it stop. It feels too much. Make it stop.”

He cries the sleepless nights where he waits for a call, for an explanation as to why Tetsurou never bothered singing for him. Is it because they’re just starting? He cries out of pity that he feels for himself. Is it stupid of him to feel so much for someone who’s only been with him romantically for two months? He cries for he never had the chance to tell Tetsurou, “I am in love with you, so much.” He cries all his questions, his hopes and his pain.

‘ _Why didn’t you tell me sooner?’_

_‘Why can’t it be me?’_

_‘Even for just a second, did it become me?’_

_‘I wish I was her’_

_‘I wish it was me'_

But what’s so surprising right? He is a canvas, plain and empty. Tetsurou paints his life with beautiful hues. Bright and lovely like the artist he is. And all of it was washed away by an angelic rain, a very beautiful one.

**How can a mere rebound beat that?**


End file.
